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2024-08-12Rekindling Desire: How to Keep the Spark and Sexual Intimacy Alive in a Long-Term Relationship
2024-08-02

Table of Contents
1. The Secrets of Libido: What You Should Know2. Differences in Libido Decrease Between Genders
3. Differences in Sexual Experience Between Men and Women
4. Why Do Men and Women Experience Different Peaks in
5. How to Maintain Freshness and Desire in a Long-Term Relationship
6. Summary
7. FAQs About Sex
8. Reference
Does low libido in a relationship affect your connection with your partner? Initially, you might not notice any discomfort. However, over time, you or your partner may start feeling frustrated because it seems like you've lost a profound, deep connection that you once had. Eventually, this can lead to feelings of distress as your relationship starts to feel tense and monotonous.
The good news is that you can improve this situation at minimal cost. In this blog, you will explore the secrets of libido and discover strategies and methods to maintain freshness and sexual attraction in long-term relationships.
1. The Secrets of Libido: What You Should Know

Sex is often considered a very private topic and is rarely discussed openly. You wouldn't bring it up while watching a game with friends. Even today, people tend to avoid the topic of sex, treating it as taboo. This avoidance has led to many misunderstandings about what sex truly is. Let's delve deeper into understanding what libido actually means.
①What is Libido?
Libido, also known as sexual drive, refers to a person's level of interest and desire for sexual activity. There is no universal standard for measuring it, nor is it determined by the frequency of sexual activity. Even if you have never had sexual intercourse, it doesn't mean you have no libido; and even with low libido, you might still engage in some sexual behavior.
Several factors typically influence libido, including:
Biological Factors:
Hormone levels
Underlying medical conditions
Neurotransmitters
Psychological Factors:
Mental health status
Emotional intimacy
Self-esteem and self-worth
Sociocultural Factors:
Communication and trust in interpersonal relationships
Cultural norms and religious beliefs
Libido is a fundamental desire, and understanding it correctly can help maintain a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship, both individually and with a partner.
②Benefits of Healthy Sexuality
In the daily grind of life and under work pressures, you might find yourself lacking energy or enthusiasm when your partner wants to engage in sexual activity. This reaction might worry and upset your partner, and over time, it can create rifts in your relationship. So, what benefits can a healthy sex life bring to your daily life?
Sexual health is not just about the absence of disease, dysfunction, or other sexual problems; it also encompasses satisfaction with sexual activities and the ability to experience and express sexuality in a healthy and fulfilling manner. Simply put, sexual health means feeling satisfied with your sexual behavior physically, psychologically, emotionally, and socially.
Healthy sexuality is very important and can bring numerous benefits. Overall, healthy sex can provide:
- Improved Physical Health: Healthy sexuality can prevent sexually transmitted infections, boost the immune system, reduce stress levels, and even improve heart health.
- Psychological and Emotional Well-being: Maintaining a healthy sex life can effectively improve mood, combat depression, and enhance mental health.
- Enhanced Quality of Life: A healthy sex life can increase life satisfaction, thereby enhancing overall happiness and quality of life.
Sexual health is crucial for both personal life and relationships. It not only strengthens the bond with your partner but also contributes to creating a sexually healthy social environment.
2. Differences in Libido Decrease Between Genders
Have you ever experienced this in your relationship: your partner wants to kiss and cuddle, but you just feel too tired and want to sleep? Or perhaps during sex, you notice that you don’t last as long as you used to? ...At these moments, you might realize that your and your partner’s desire for sex isn’t what it used to be, or it’s almost nonexistent.
But don’t worry, you’re not alone. Both men and women commonly experience a decreased libido. You might wonder why this happens. Why doesn’t my partner have this issue? Or why does my partner’s response seem different from mine? ...Let’s delve deeper into the secrets of libido to understand more.
①Causes of Decreased Libido

Decreased libido refers to a reduction in normal levels of sexual desire, where you might find it hard to feel excited during sex and your stamina diminishes. As mentioned earlier, libido is influenced by various factors including physical, psychological, and other elements. Common causes of decreased libido include:
- Lack of Testosterone: As a primary sex hormone, testosterone plays a crucial role in the libido levels of both men and women. A decrease in testosterone levels can lead to a reduction in sexual desire.
- Hormonal Imbalance: Hormones regulate the endocrine system and play a vital role in sexual function. Any imbalance in hormones can lead to decreased libido or erectile dysfunction.
- Underlying Medical Conditions: Certain underlying medical conditions can also cause a drop in libido. For example, type 2 diabetes and heart diseases can impact your sexual desire.
- Poor Lifestyle Habits: Unhealthy lifestyle habits can affect libido levels. Excessive alcohol consumption, drug use, and smoking can affect hormone levels, leading to decreased sexual desire.
- Stress: In daily life, many people face dual pressures from work and family, and chronic stress has become a common issue. Chronic stress can cause endocrine imbalances, which can, in turn, affect libido levels.
- Medication Effects: Many common medications can impact libido. For instance, opioid medications can lead to a reduction in sexual desire.
Understanding the causes of decreased libido can help in addressing and treating the issue effectively.
②What Does Low Libido Bring to Men and Women?
In a normal romantic or marital relationship, sex is a crucial bridge that maintains the connection. Without sex, the relationship may weaken. One or both partners might feel that it isn’t truly love, which is not a positive sign for many couples or marriages. So, what does low libido bring to both genders?
|
Women |
Men |
Mental health |
Reduced libido can make women feel anxious and feel unattractive and unfeminine, which can lead to a decrease in self-confidence |
Men will doubt their sexual ability due to reduced libido, which will cause anxiety and depression in the long run |
Physical health |
Reduced libido can lead to estrogen imbalance, which can induce a series of gynecological diseases and even reproductive health problems (such as polycystic ovary syndrome) |
Reduced libido often leads to erectile dysfunction/ED in men, accompanied by a decrease in testosterone levels, and the emergence of other health problems in the body |
Affects relationships |
Reduced libido will affect the intimacy between partners. In the long run, contradictions and conflicts will occur in daily interactions, which is not conducive to the development of a healthy love relationship |
According to a survey by 11 Oysters, the proportion of women experiencing low libido is higher than that of men. Globally, this proportion is as high as 30%-50% for women, whereas for men it is 15%-25%. Decreased libido can have adverse effects on both women and men, making it crucial to actively seek effective treatment methods. So, are the treatment methods for decreased libido the same for different genders?
③Methods to Increase Libido for Different Genders
In general, the methods to increase sexual desire are nothing more than psychological, physiological and lifestyle. However, the specific treatment methods for different genders will also be different. Here are the different treatment methods for both sexes:
For women:
In terms of lifestyle, women can increase sexual desire by consuming some foods rich in omega-3 fatty acids, antioxidants and B vitamins, such as fish, nuts, etc.
In terms of drug treatment, if women want to increase their sexual desire, they should use some drugs to stimulate the secretion of estrogen and increase testosterone levels to help improve low sexual desire and thus increase vitality.
For men:
In terms of lifestyle, some foods that can increase testosterone levels should be added to daily food, such as some foods rich in zinc, vitamin D, etc., such as oysters, avocados, etc., which can enhance male performance.
In terms of drug treatment, if you need to increase endurance and stamina, you can use some testosterone boosters for drug treatment, such as some oyster essences, which are natural aphrodisiacs.
There are many ways to increase libido, and many studies have shown that oyster concentrate can effectively increase sexual vitality and is an effective way to treat low libido. We can combine specific treatments to effectively treat low libido based on the specific needs of different genders. If your symptoms are very severe, please consult a professional healthcare provider for professional help.
3. Differences in Sexual Experience Between Men and Women
Due to differences in physical structure, the sexual experiences of men and women can vary significantly. While it is commonly believed that men have a higher sex drive than women, the reality is more complex.

(1) Common Differences in Sexual Experience Between Men and Women
Here are some differences between men and women in their sexual experiences:
Physiological Differences: The primary differences in sexual experience between men and women lie in the sexual arousal cycle. Studies have shown that men typically have a shorter sexual arousal cycle compared to women, and men undergo a "recovery period" after orgasm.
Sexual Drive Factors: The factors driving sexual desire during sexual activity differ between genders. Men's sexual desire is usually more intense and direct, often influenced by visual stimuli. In contrast, women's sexual desire tends to be more emotional, meaning they require emotional connection to stimulate libido.
Perspectives on Sexual Satisfaction: For men, sexual satisfaction is more often linked to physical fulfillment. Women, however, seek both physical satisfaction and deep emotional connection to feel sexually satisfied.
Sexual Roles: During sexual activities, men typically play a more active and initiating role, while women usually take on a more passive and responsive role.
Despite these differences in sexual experience, a harmonious sexual relationship can enhance the intimacy between partners.
(2) How to Respect and Address These Differences
Differences in sexual experiences can lead to conflicts in a relationship. Learning to respect and address these issues can make your sexual life more harmonious and enjoyable.
①Understand Each Other's Sexual Arousal Cycles:
Recognizing and respecting the differences in sexual arousal cycles can help both partners have a better experience. Knowing that men and women might have different times for arousal can lead to more patient and synchronized sexual interactions.
②Communication:
Conflicts often arise from a lack of proper communication. Engaging in open and honest discussions about each other's needs and desires can lead to a better understanding and more fulfilling sexual experiences.
③Create a Comfortable Atmosphere:
A pleasant and relaxed atmosphere can make sexual experiences more intimate and enjoyable. Allocating sufficient time for sexual activities can prevent a rushed experience and allow both partners to fully enjoy their intimate moments.
④Respect Boundaries:
Respecting each other's boundaries and limitations is crucial for a healthy relationship. Understanding and acknowledging each other's limits without coercion can create a more comfortable and respectful environment.
⑤Address Different Sexual Drives:
Recognizing the differences in sexual drives between men and women and tailoring strategies accordingly can improve sexual satisfaction. For instance, understanding that men may respond more to visual stimuli while women may need emotional connection can help in planning more effective and satisfying sexual activities.
⑥Seek Professional Help:
Sometimes, professional help can be beneficial. Consulting a healthcare professional, especially together as a couple, can provide valuable insights and strategies to better understand and respect these differences.
By respecting and understanding these differences, couples can enhance their intimacy and increase sexual satisfaction.
4. Why Do Men and Women Experience Different Peaks in Sexual Desire?
Men and women not only differ in their sexual experiences but also in the timing of their peaks in sexual desire.
A sexual peak refers to the period in life when individuals experience the highest frequency and quality of sexual activity. Studies indicate that men and women reach their sexual peaks at different ages.
Men's testosterone levels usually reach their highest during late adolescence or early twenties. During this time, their sexual desire peaks.
Women tend to become more comfortable with their bodies and sexual needs around their thirties to forties, which is when their sexual desire typically reaches its peak.
(1) The impact of biological rhythms on sexual desire
In biology, researchers generally believe that biological rhythms have an impact on sexual desire. Biological rhythms are also often considered circadian rhythms, which are regulated by the body's biological clock and can control human hormone secretion, sleep cycles, etc. Usually biological rhythms affect testosterone secretion, hormone levels, etc. in the body, thereby affecting changes in sexual desire. You can understand the impact of biological rhythms on sexual desire from the following aspects:
Hormone secretion: Testosterone is a typical sex hormone that can directly affect sexual function and sexual desire levels. Regular biological needles help balance sex hormones such as testosterone and hormone levels, thereby helping to increase sexual desire.
Biological clock: Different biological clock patterns will also have an impact on sexual desire. For example, it is generally believed that people with "early bird" biological clocks will have higher sexual desire levels during the day, while people with "night owl" biological clocks will reach higher sexual desire levels at night.
Sleep time: Sleep affects the body's endocrine system, and endocrine disorders can lead to hormonal disorders. Sufficient sleep can make the body secrete sufficient testosterone, thereby increasing sexual desire; while insufficient sleep will lead to a decrease in testosterone levels, which will lead to a decrease in sexual desire.
Lifestyle: With the acceleration of the pace of life, people's life pressure is increasing, which leads to a disordered life and work schedule, which affects sexual desire.
Understanding the impact of biological rhythms on sexual desire can better regulate lifestyle and daily routines, thereby improving one's own hormone levels and overall health, regulating sexual desire at the lowest cost and stimulating sexual vitality.
(2) How to Synchronize and Adapt to Each Other’s Needs
When both partners' needs are met, you have a stable and comfortable relationship. Just as it’s crucial to fully understand and satisfy each other’s sexual needs to have a warm and comfortable sexual relationship, how can you meet each other’s needs simultaneously?
①Open Communication: It is important to have honest and open discussions with your partner regularly. Communication helps in understanding each other’s sexual needs and improves sexual performance.
②Daily Intimate Behaviors: Engaging in small acts of intimacy, such as hugging and kissing, can enhance emotional connection between partners and increase satisfaction during sexual activities.
③Understanding and Respect: Understanding and respecting each other’s needs can effectively meet both partners' desires. Avoiding forcing each other into unwanted activities can lead to better mutual understanding and fulfillment.
④Seek Professional Help: If there are long-standing issues in the sexual relationship, seeking professional help is important to improve mutual understanding.
By following these methods, partners can better synchronize and fulfill each other’s needs, leading to a healthier and more comfortable sexual relationship.
5. How to Maintain Freshness and Desire in a Long-Term Relationship

Daily life can become monotonous, dull, boring, and frustrating, which may lead to conflicts and issues in the relationship, affecting the development of a healthy sexual relationship. So how can you maintain freshness and sexual desire in a long-term relationship?
- Try New Things: Freshness comes from trying new things. Engaging in activities you haven’t done before with your partner, such as new hobbies or dishes, can inject new energy into your sex life.
- Maintain Rituals: Celebrating special occasions like anniversaries, birthdays, and Valentine’s Day can make both partners feel valued and add passion to everyday life.
- Dates and Surprises: Regularly planning dates and surprises for your partner can create ripples in the mundane routine and strengthen emotional connections.
- Stay Physically Healthy: Maintaining a regular schedule is crucial for overall health and also helps in sustaining a healthy libido. A healthy lifestyle boosts energy and sexual desire.
- Professional Treatment: A sex therapist can provide recommendations and medications to improve sexual relationships. For example, 11 Oysters Candy from 11 Oysters is said to enhance sexual performance.
- Stress Relief: Daily stress levels can impact sexual desire. Using appropriate methods to relieve stress can improve sexual performance.
- Relevant Foods: Consuming foods that boost libido, such as dark chocolate, oysters (especially strong oyster concentrate), avocados, and red wine, can enhance sexual vitality.
By adopting these strategies and methods, you can maintain freshness and desire in your long-term relationship, leading to greater sexual satisfaction.
6. Summary
Your partner is the person you spend day and night with, the one who will be by your side for life, and the one you may argue with but never part from. As days go by, you might find that the initial passion fades and the relationship feels different from before. However, overcoming these issues is crucial for maintaining a lasting and healthy sexual relationship.
Desire and freshness are key factors in sustaining the relationship. To keep the spark alive and maintain sexual attraction over the long term, both partners need to continuously explore new experiences. You need to create surprises in everyday life, stay in good physical health, and communicate regularly to meet each other's needs. If persistent sexual dissatisfaction arises, seeking professional counseling can help alleviate stress and improve the relationship.
Maintaining passion over the long term is a challenge, but you are not alone. Remember, a stable and warm relationship requires both partners to continually work together to ignite new sparks.
7. FAQs About Sex
Q: Why might I feel bored with my partner?
A: In the routine of daily life, you might feel fatigued by your partner because the novelty has worn off. Trying new experiences with your partner, such as exploring new foods, can help alleviate this sense of boredom.
Q: How can I add excitement to my life?
A: Experiencing new things can add excitement to your otherwise dull life. Continuously sparking new experiences in your long-term relationship, such as new sexual experiences or trying activities you haven’t done before, can make the relationship more fulfilling and enduring.
Q: What makes a satisfying sex life?
A: Research shows that partners with a more fulfilling sex life often surprise each other with small gestures, respect and understand one another, and are generous with their praise and affection.
Q: Why do partners avoid discussing sex?
A: Sex is a private topic, and partners may avoid discussing it due to a lack of intimacy, fear of hurting each other’s feelings, or concerns about affecting the relationship. However, open and honest communication is crucial for synchronizing and meeting each other’s needs.
Q: How does sex increase intimacy between partners?
A: Oxytocin, often called the “love hormone,” is known to enhance intimacy in relationships. High levels of oxytocin can make relationships closer, and sex stimulates the production of this hormone. Sex also fosters a sense of shared experience, which can improve and strengthen the relationship.
Q: What is key to a good sex life?
A: A good sex life depends on mutual recognition of each other’s needs. If both partners believe that a fulfilling sex life requires joint effort, they are more likely to have a satisfying sex life. Conversely, viewing sexual discord as a sign of relationship problems often leads to more conflicts and disputes.
Q: Does frequent sex make the relationship closer?
A: Some believe that more frequent sex leads to a better relationship. While regular sex is important for relationship stability, understanding and respecting each other’s needs is equally crucial. Respecting each other’s opinions and feelings is key to a lasting and stable relationship.
Q: Can people become addicted to sex?
A: Sex can be highly addictive, and such behavior is often referred to as “hypersexuality” or “compulsive sexual behavior.” Sexual addiction is a complex and often misunderstood condition, but it can be addressed and treated through professional therapeutic interventions.
Q: Why might someone lose interest in sex?
A: Low sexual desire is a significant issue in long-term relationships and can stem from various factors. Typically, these factors are categorized into three main areas: physiological, psychological, and external influences.
Q: How can I address low sexual desire?
A: Understanding the specific reasons for low sexual desire is helpful in addressing the issue. For instance, physiological factors can sometimes be improved by adjusting hormone levels. Before starting any treatment, consult with your doctor to ensure appropriate and effective treatment for low sexual desire.
8. Reference
[1] Yehuda, Rachel; Lehrner, Amy; Rosenbaum, Talli Y. (2015). "PTSD and Sexual Dysfunction in Men and Women". The Journal of Sexual Medicine. 12 (5): 1107
[2] "Low sex drive in women: Diagnosis and Treatment". mayoclinic.org. Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research (MFMER). Retrieved 14 January 2020.
[3] Yehuda, Rachel; Lehrner, Amy; Rosenbaum, Talli Y. (2015). "PTSD and Sexual Dysfunction in Men and Women". The Journal of Sexual Medicine. 12 (5): 1107–1119.
[4] Robert L. Phillips, Jr; Slaughter, James R. (2000-08-15). "Depression and Sexual Desire". American Family Physician. 62 (4): 782– ISSN 0002-838X.
[5] Lichterman, Gabrielle (November 2004). 28 Days: What Your Cycle Reveals about Your Love Life, Moods, and Potential. Adams Media Corporation. ISBN 978-1-59337-345-0.
[6] Heiman JR, Rupp H, Janssen E, Newhouse SK, Brauer M, Laan E (May 2011). "Sexual desire, sexual arousal and hormonal differences in premenopausal US and Dutch women with and without low sexual desire". Horm. Behav. 59 (5): 772
